Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The Worst Feeling

    Hello, gems. :) So I finally finished that story I was working on, "The Way I See It". I hope you all enjoy it. I certainly enjoyed writing it. :) Thanks, lovelies :)

You know what the worst feeling is? The worst feeling that God ever created is not being loved. Being lonely. Having the person you love the most suddenly leave. No explanation, no talk, nothing. Just loneliness.
Everyone thinks they deserve love. When they get left behind by someone who they cared about, they are automatically angry. That person “didn’t know what they are missing”. Our friends comfort us with much the same things. “He is a jerk”, “She doesn’t know what she is doing”, “One day, he’ll come back to you and realize what he left.”. They comfort us by making us feel better about ourselves when maybe we should have been thinking about what we did wrong. People tell us-and thus we tell ourselves-that we did nothing wrong. It is someone else’s fault. Sometimes it is no one’s fault.
The way I see it, it’s not always someone’s fault. Sometimes that is just the way it was supposed to happen.

    Elli stood in the library, books clutched to her chest, butterflies dancing in her heart as she waited for Bennatt, her best friend and boyfriend. In her right hand, she tightly clutched a pocket knife that he gave her for her 17th birthday. The handle was made of petrified wood, and it shone every time she tilted it into the light.
    They were meant to meet up today, he had told her last night over a telephone call that he had a surprise for her.
    When the door opened, and the little bell jingled, her heart beat a little faster in anticipation. Then, he was there. Bennatt. His red hair and green eyes, his forever laughs and strong arms. He grinned at her and shoved a lock of hair out of his eyes. Elli bit her lower lip, and smiled a little. He strode up to her and gently took the books out of her arms. “Time Between Us” and “Time After Time” by Tamara ireland Stone. She had read them already, but they were her favorites. She had to read them again.
Bennatt wrapped his arms around her waist, careful not to touch her any lower than that. She threw her arms about his neck and giggled. The librarian glared disapprovingly at them and shoved her black glasses higher up on her nose.
Bennatt put his face next to her ear. “Shall we take this outside?” Elli smiled and nodded. He took her hand and led her outside, slipping her books underneath his arm as they went past.

When they got outside, Elli wrapped her arm around his. “I believe I was promised a surprise...?” Bennatt tried to hold back a smile, and failed. “Were you now? I don’t remember making such a promise.”
    “Well, maybe it was my boyfriend...he always makes me happy...I should call him...” he laughed that musical laugh that he always did when she teased him. She bit her lip again, and leaned forward to kiss him. He met her halfway, pulling her into him, dropping the books gently to the ground beside them. He gripped her hand and smiled as he drew his face down her neck.
    “C’mon.” and he pulled her along, Elli laughing all the way. He pulled her back again across the intersection, not stopping for lights or other cars, resulting in several angry honks around them, but Elli and Bennatt were still laughing, enjoying the crazy of it all.
He pulled her through the old church doors, past the stained-glass windows portraying Mary holding her child, and up to the very top floor. Hundreds of people lined the walls, but silence reigned. He smiled at her, and gripping her hand, knelt on one knee and said “I  have been with you for two years now. We have seen the world together, and shown loyalty and love beyond anything anyone has ever felt. I am asking you now to take one last leap of faith with me, Elli Michaels, will you marry me?” He pulled out a ring that was silver, embedded with metal foliage so lifelike that she thought it could have crumbled. The diamond on top sparkled in a hundred dazzling colors, blues and pinks and purples and whites spun around in the center.
Elli’s eyes teared up and she placed her hands over her mouth. Tears ebbed their way down her cheek and she nodded slowly. She pulled him up from the ground as he slipped the ring onto her finger and into her arms, to enfold him in a deep kiss. “Yes, Bennatt Gold. With all my heart.”
    Two years later, Elli was sitting alone on her couch, eating her lunch, a novel in her hand. She smoothed her hand over her stomach and sighed, “Don’t worry, Alex, Daddy will be home soon.” she grinned down at her soon-to-be-daughter. Even as she did so, she heard her husband’s heavy footsteps approaching the door. Her mind wandered back to their wedding day. Everyone had been there. It had been perfect. Her dress bejeweled with blues and sparkling hues to match her ring. When they finished the “I Dos”, Bennatt made a speech for her that had put all other weddings to shame.
    “When I first saw you, I had no idea who you were. All I knew was that you were an angel in disguise and no one else could see you but me. After a few months, I began to understand that God had sent you to me to guard me, to help me through the hard times, and to sing my song. Elli, you are my beautiful angel, and I don’t know how I ever could have lived without you. I love you with all of my heart.” The Pastor thought it was so nice that he skipped the rest of the ceremonies and told him to kiss the bride.
    Ellis sighed at the memory, and looked up as her husband walked through the door. After two years, he still greeted her every friday with a bundle of blue and red flowers. He did so now, setting them aside to free his arms to embrace her. She laughed and kissed him gently on his soft lips.
    “Hello.” he said, muttering against her lips.
    “Hi.” she replied, grinning.
    “I have a surprise for you...” he pulled her gently into another kiss.
She laughed as he slipped his hand into hers. Two years had passed and still, she was as in love with him as she was when they were in middle school. In a way, she was more in love with him.
He pulled her out the door and across the road, dodging cars and taxis, ignoring the frustration of the world around them.
    Elli didn’t know where she was.
    It was dark
    It was black
    She was lost
She opened her eyes, and before she knew it, another blanket of warmth pulled her again into its sickening embrace.
    Elli glanced around at the room around her, and was immediately blinded. White walls. White curtains. White bed. White sheets. Her head hurt. Her arms hurt. Her mouth was dry. She glanced around and noticed a glass of water on the stand next to her. She reached for it, and when she closed her fingers around it, they refused to work and the cup shattered on the cement floor. A woman rushed in and shoved her hand into Elli’s chest, forcing her to lay back down.
    “It’s okay, honey.” her thick southern drawl dripped out of her words. “just lay back down, there. Everything’s gonna be okay. Do you know where you are?”
    A hospital. Elli shook her head as if doing so would get rid of the reality that she knew was there.
    “You are in Mercy Hospital. You were in an accident. Do you remember what happened?”
    She pulled out a clip board and began to scribble furiously. She scanned the page with her aquamarine eyes. “You were...” she paused “going across the intersection, and someone crashed into you...well...they were about to...” her eyebrows went up. “You were with someone else, weren’t you? A boy? He threw himself in front of you. He got the worst of it. Don’t worry. You’ll be okay. Just some bumps and bruises, and a mild concussion.”
Tears stung Elli’s eyes.
    “And...the baby...she’ll be okay, too.”
    “Can...c-can I...” her throat was too dry. She couldn’t speak. The woman left with a sympathetic smile and returned a few minutes later with a glass of water. When Elli was hydrated , she tried again. “Can I speak to him? Where is Bennatt? I want to see him.”
The woman seemed hesitant. Elli tried a different approach. She took a deep breath. “What’s your name?”
She smiled. “Anna.”
Elli nodded. “Anna...Please...I need to see him. He is my husband. We’ve only been married two years. Please.”
The woman opened her mouth and then closed it again. Anna bit her lower lip. “I’ll see what I can do.” She exited the room, pausing for a minute at the door.
Several minutes passed and no one entered her room. She occupied herself with counting the ceiling tiles and trying to guess how big the room was.
She heard someone outside. Looking back, she saw it all. It was her first date the night he came to call. And her dad said “Son, haver her home on time, and promise me you’ll never leave her side.” he took her to a show in town. She was ten feet off the ground. They  held hands and the whole time a smile was lighting up his face, stealing away her breath. She remembered the night they fell in love. He was walking her home.
Her ears again went to the people outside of the door. Someone-a Doctor, she assumed-said “This could be his last night.”
Anna said “Oh. Should we tell her now, or should we wait until the morning to find out?” Someone finally came in. He was tall and handsome and his eyes reminded her of Bennatt. Anna stood in the doorway while the man entered.
“I take it the nurse asked you if you remember what happened?”
Anna nodded solemnly. “Just...tell me what happened. I want to know what happened to my husband.”
The doctor sighed, and stood a little straighter. He looked slightly haggard, as though the day at the hospital had been hard on him.
“You are the wife of Bennatt Gold?”
Elli nodded painfully, wincing at the movement.
“I am sorry to say, your husband had suffered a severe concussion. There was bleeding in his brain, and he had several broken bones. I am sorry...he didn’t last the night.”
Elli couldn’t hear anything. the lights had gone out, she was in the darkness, but she didn’t care. She screamed. She screamed so loud and so long, she didn’t  know any other sound. A wail filled the hospital. She vaguely heard the nurse running toward her saying “Please, ma’am. Shhhh...please, Elli, please.” The doctor caught her and held her back. Elli reached into the pocket of her hospital gown. Someone had placed her knife there. She flipped it open. She heard Anna yelling at her to stop, still held back by the perhaps crazy doctor. She clutched the blade in her hands, sending blood all over her and the bed. Then, Bennatt was there. He stood behind the doctor. He didn’t come near her, but she felt as though he was so close. He held his finger to his mouth, and then told her to drop the knife. She gently laid it down on the floor. He moved closer to her, and gathered her up in his arms. “I will always be with you, Elli, my love.” He kissed her carefully on the cheek and then rose and disappeared.
Elli sat calmly on the hospital bed, and asked the doctor when she might be discharged. He smiled, amused and said “As soon as you want.”
Elli wanted to rest for a bit, so she lay down for a few hours. After a little bit, a woman and a man entered.
“Hello, I am Dr. Salas. Myself and Ali here will be taking care of you until you think you are ready to leave.”
Elli peered into the corner of the room. Anna and the doctor stared back at her, smiled, and held their fingers to their lips.

Thanks all for reading. :) Love you all  <3
God bless.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

True Beauty

Hello, my darlings :) Today’s word is “Beauty” You all know, I think what true beauty is, so I am not going to go spouting quotes and stuff about how “Inner beauty is better than outer” because you already know that. I just want to say a few things about this.
1. Mirrors and scales do not define you. No matter what people say, they do not define you.
2. You do deserve love and happiness no matter who you are or what you look like.
3. never give up.

I know this is a short post, but yeah :) Thanks for reading, lovelies :)

God bless <3

Monday, July 21, 2014

True Happiness

Hey, guys, so I am super sorry that I haven’t posted in awhile. This month is birthday month. Literally all but one of my siblings have their birthdays this month, and mine was last week, so I have been a bit busy.
Anyways, so for the last little bit I have been struggling to find inspiration, so I finally found this internet page that literally only has 365 words that are inspiring to people. So I decided that each time I blog, if I can’t find inspiration to do anything else, I will just go down the list and talk about the next one. So the first thing on the list is “Happiness” so today I am going to talk about happiness. :)
So just now, I looked up what the definition of “happiness” is according to the average mind.
The results shocked me. “The state of being happy”, “Living a good life”, “Good fortune”, “pleasure”, “The act of having meaning”.
Don’t we already have meaning? The bible says that we are made in God’s image. That is our meaning. That is our identity. That is who we are. “Good fortune”, “living the good life”, and “Pleasure” are nothing.
Why is everyone under the impression that we have to find out who we are? All my friends have always told me that middle school is about “finding out who you are”. Yeah, in a sense, that is true, but on the other hand, no it’s not. Our whole life should be based upon finding out who God wants us to be, and focused on being that person.

Ephesians 2:10
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

So if real happiness is finding out who we are, or knowing what our meaning is, then we should always be happy because even before we were born, we had meaning.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
Psalm 139:13-16
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Searching the bible, it seems to me that all God wants us to do is love him and prove to others how much he loves them.
True happiness is pleasing God.

Thanks for reading, I hope that it was helpful to you!!! I actually had a lot of fun doing this one, and thanks a lot to whoever made that page of the 365 words that are inspirational. I learned a lot from this, and I hope you did, too :)

Thanks again.

Blessings <3