Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Top 3 Lies

Hey, everyone.

So today, I am going to prove how much I trust all of you, and see how many of you trust me.
You guys have been with me from the start, and I can't thank you enough for that.
I trust every last one of you.
To prove so, I am going to tell you guys the top 3 lies I have ever told. A couple of them you already know, but here goes. They aren't necessarily in order.

1. "I am fine"
This is one of the ones you already know. I don't remember the last time I was 'fine'. I'm not fine, and I don't know if I ever will be. Life gets hard. That's when God expects us to trust Him the most. When He sends us trials, He just wants us to let go, and be held. I don't know how to do that, sometimes, and I know that when people ask me if I'm okay, my automatic response is "I am fine". Well here's to all of you who have witnessed the lie: I'm not fine. And that's okay. Jesus leads me all the way.

2. I have lied about who I am.
Most of you know that Marisa is a pseudo name. Some of you know what my real name is. One person in particular guessed who I am correctly, and when asked if he was correct, I lied to him and told him he was wrong. I told him I was someone else. I know it was wrong, and at first, it was a joke. But now it haunts me, and I don't know how to tell him the truth. I see him sometimes - he knows me. He just doesn't know it. In fact, he has known me for almost 5 years now, I think. I don't want him to hate me, and I don't know how to tell him who I really am without making him hate me. But the longer I wait, the harder it gets.  Please give me advice. And also pray for me. Pray really hard for me. I am scared of losing someone I never thought I would be afraid to lose.

3. This last one is not so much a lie as an act. And I put it to use daily. There is a certain relative of mine. For the sake of privacy, I will call her L. L is stunning. She is sweet, hardworking, funny, kind, and...non christian. She has gone through a lot in her life and so my other relatives treat her with a higher respect than any of the rest of us. Including me. She has lied to me, and hurt me, and broken me so many times. I am dead-jealous if her and in a way, I wish I could have her life. She gets whatever she wants, everyone likes her, she is smart, and she has hurt me. I think she has a vague idea that she has hurt me, but I have never told her flat out. I have certain friends who encourage me to tell her because if I don't, she will keep hurting me without knowing she is doing it. The problem is this: if I tell her, she will likely tell her father. Her father (being very protective) will likely tell my mother. And my mother will be angry at me. So the lie is this: I love her unconditionally and could never be angry with her. I am so so angry at her, but I can't not love her. I don't want to hurt her despite the fact that she keeps hurting me. Again, please give me advice, and pray. Pray, pray, pray. For her soul, for my heart, and pray that I would have the wisdom to know whether I need to tell her.

So there you have it. My top three lies. I have trusted all of you with this. Now I am asking you to trust me. What are your top 3 lies? Comment, email me, chat me, anything so that I know someone read this. If you don't want anyone to know, I think there is an option under here for an anonymous comment. Please speak. Its confession time.

I hope you all are praying for me as much as I pray for you.
Blessings from Christ.